Dear Diary,

What for having a divorcee if you guys are still together eating and say out the jokes together . I wont forgive mum if there's anything happen to me . Or i get beaten with Hym ! I just hate being treated that way . & if i didnt get my freedom . I wont forgive mum . I rather get out from this house ! Argh ! I hate ! Why cant anyone in this house feel how i feel ! Im so damn hurt right now . Tears are all over my face ! I dont know why must this happen the next 2 months ! Argh ! How i wish there's someone know how i feel ! If he dares to touch me , i make sure that , i wont come back in this house .

Mum being so selffish ! & 2 faces . Stop acting ! Finding fault at children went you had quarrel with you boyf . & trying tuh get Hys attention ! Its not that i wanna be rude to mum ! But , she's been thinking her own world ! I hate ! i hate ! i hate ! i hate ! Can anyone tell me how can i be patient . Im hurting deep down my heart ! :'(

Hurts ,

Yayacintaa

To Dearest SAKINAH STUBBORN ,

Ass me at my this msn - yayaloved_kecikbintang@hotmail.com .

Okkaeys ?

Love ,

Yayacintaa

Hello My beloved Brother !

How are you abang ? Im fine down here ! Abang , i miss you ! *laughlaugh* Yaya dah terime check abang . Abang , how's your course everything goes fine ? Im so sorry for the late replies . And , this are some of the photo that i took during the Hari Raya Eve . Abang , it gonna be a year less to your arrival ! I just cant wait for you !

Abang , i had hard time here at home . I try my best to understand at home situation but , sometimes i think its so unfair . I have tried my best not to cry , and always stay strong . But abang , i just feel so terrible .

Mama seems to control everything . And i didnt event have time for my friends . And mama keep talking to her , "boyfriend" . Which i really hate alot . The bigger i am now , i realise that both Mama and Papa are the same . With all the 3rd party all over .

Every single day , mama keep talking to that "guy" . And i really hate alot . What i do , is just ignore . Papa will come back late at night , and he will be at room , opening LOUD music . While others are studying . I just feel so alone and sad .

Abang , i did send you , my boyfriend photo . I known him for 4months aready . But mama tak restu , cause he comes from "bad company" . I seriously dont care , as long as he love me for what i am . Eventhough he got tattoo or whatever , he treats me well . But , its hurt though , cause having a boyfriend a not is still the same .

I had hard time with him now abang . If a guy love a girl so much he wont go any club to enjoy himself right ? Now , his dong this to me .. I seriously wanna a break up . I had enough abang . Cause , its really hurting me . While im writing this im crying too . Abang , why must a guy take my love for granted ? I know im still young and can find a better one . But , it hurt so much . I want to have a peaceful realationship . But , having that , it really take time to find . What actually a guy ones ? Advise is needed . I begged . Cause , i wanna get rid of this "matrep" realtionship . I want a proper guy that can give me a living in the future . That can give me happiness in the end and not saddness .

I also like spending time with my friends rather than boyfriend . Seriously abang i js cant wait for your friend to be out next month . Do ask hym to contact me . (: in case you dont have my number , --------- . He single ? *laughlaugh* Hopefully . I feel so saved if there's someone taking care of me outside . I js cant wait for you to be out , and you will take care of me as well ! I love you !

Oh yarh , my boyfriend now NS . He help his brother at Caltex Car wash . One of their friends know you . Terperanjat jugak . *laughlaugh* My boyfriend/friends want to visit you . Is it possible ? Do update me okkaeys ?


Abang , i really miss you alot . Totally i miss you ! i cant wait to visit you again !

Anw, abang hantar surat pat kak zilla ehk ? I will pass it to her a.s.a.p okkaeys ?

Abang , now i finished my n level , i aready start working with mama . Will be spending time working . So , hopefully that i can have a great time with mama .

Abang intreseted in KudaKepang ? Just asking . (: Cause currently my free tyme , i spend time playing kudakepang . (: really i had a great time . I'll be opening a new group . Insyaallah it will be opening next year . Pray hard okkaeys ?

Abang , may one day you return to me and teach me a proper meaning of life . I had enough of hurt and being so unfair with mama . With her "boyfriend" . I really need you . I really want to spend time with you .

I promise , i will takee your step as my example . And i will remember all your adivse . Your one and only brother i have .

I miss you so much ! I love you so much ! I need you so much ! I want you so much !

You gave me strength . You gave me hope . All i need is you !

With much love and kisses ,
Your one & only sister ,
Yayacinta`bintang !

Dear Diary ,

Lately , i been so sad for the past few daeys/hours and whatever is it . I been so strong to face the consequences . Hopefully , i will take back everything . Tak semestinye orang cakap besar akan jatoh , you have to be prepared for the worst that will over come your life . And be prepared , cause i'll be fighting for my right .

Let the future do the talking . Well , tomorrow . i proudly survive 4 Months with Sayang . Going out with him after his camp . And i miss hym alot !

Dear Sayang ,

We been through thick and thin together . Till parents have agreed with us . & im sure , you been so faithful to me since the day we petch back . And now , you changed aload . May this will remain , and will never fade . I'm sorry if i did hurt you all this while , but seriously , i dont mean too ! So , may our monthsary will always be memorable . And , i love you so much ! You been so patient with my attitude , and alwaeys giving the love , i love you more each day sweet . The day we know each other will never be forgotten . Too much , i love you !

Lovee ,

Yayacintaa <3

Dear Diary ,

I am so dissappointed with what happen yesterday . Totally . There's no manners and respect at all .. What have i done wrong ? Aytes , let straight to the point . I had enough of everything . I been kept silence all this while .

Yesterday , i went Sri Cempaka Puteh performance . Seriously , i come there to watch not to do anything STUPID or , finding faults . I went out of cab , dfind place to sit . And see them performan . (insertname) , suddenly wanted me to come to her and i thought she mean GOOD ! but , i think ada disebalik nyer . So , i decided to go . Then something happen . I was shocked . And also unbelieveable .

After everything , i ask cikdean ,

Me ; Cikdean kenape , mummie pakai , Kapor nan Kicap . Biler balikkan yaya ?

Cikdean ; Mummie kuar kan barang yaya . Bab tuh tady cikdean tak tengok .

Me ; Huh ? ( darh start kuar airmata) walkoff .

Towards to mama .

Me ; Mama , balik . (crying)

Mama ; Asal ?

Me ; Mummie darh kuarkan barang akak . (crying) Walkoff .

Then something happen under block . Cikedean came . I cry non stop . For good sake . I was v v v v v v v v v dissappointed . Totally . Who was there yesterday , i didnt expect that to happen , seriously ! Time to go home , there's this guy stop my cab . I was lyke huh ? Mummie suroh . Saying i Pipit & Erul nak potong orang .

Im still dissappointed still now .

Love,

Yayacinta <3

Dear Diary ,

I have decide to blogg as N level are finishing so soon ! Im gonna mish school soon . But still , im gonna enjoy my holidays . And i heard from my councilling teacher that she would want me to come back to help her with her paper work ! Fuhh ! Can i , Mrs Goh ? I seriously want the baking lessons again !

Sayang out to work . And im alone at home . Brrr , hoping that Sayang could at least give me a call or something ? Well , we had loads of plan this week and next week . Hoping Sayang takes hys MC . and really want to be with hym . Very well that Sayang change alot . I did borrowed my LG phone to him . Cause of resons . HE did took care of it ! Seriously any damage , you pay for it .

Heard about this Saturday . Well , if anyone intrested to see Kudakepang , please ask for address . As im going over . Insyaallah . I thought mum woudnt wanna go . And i did plan with Sayang about this Saturday . Last min , mum told me she will be going . So okkaeys , good anw . Save my Pocket money ! Weeeee ~ ! Sayang will be going with Brother in law , plus family i think .

Hoping this Saturday , goes "very smoothly" ;) . All the best to you all ! Selalu di ingatan , Sri Cempaka Puteh . Those who mish me , do come to me , and find me . I'll be waiting . Cause your missed too !

Till here ,

Yayacintaa <3

Dear Diary ,

Im confused and still mad with people now days . Im begging you guys , just stay out from this . Please dont start the Fire first ! Please be more mature . Its 2009 , stop being Internet gangter . Late of time aready . No such people do this anymore . If your not happy , do say straight forward to us . Not talking behind us . I begged , think WIDE ! And stop being Internet gangster . Thankyou !

I have nothing much to update . Im gonna be away . As , N level starting tomorrow . Finishing this N level . And im done with Secondary School ! So Long !

Love ,

Yayacintaa <3

Dear Diary ,

I just come back celebrate the Eve with Dearest Classmate . Really enjoy it alot ! Next outing will be Next Saturday ! Will be waiting . Photos will be uploaded soon . Its my happiness today .

I'll be waking up early in the mroning later . Get ready after mum go out . im going out . With ? Sayang . Where ? Planning . Revenge ? With mum ? I think so . I js hate being use names . I'll make sure it came true . Oh mum , sorry if i hurt you . Cause , you hurting me more . Your selfish . And also , look yourselve in the mirror , you having affair with hym . Macam mane kingkong tak tinggalkan mama . The same story like Bohsia . Sorry mum . Im not being rude ! But its all the fact !

I got to go . Js a short update !

Love,

Yayacinta <3

Dear Diary ,

I been missing this particular guy , Muhamad Zulfiqar Bin Khairul Anwar . Will be waiting for you . 8 days and counting ! Will wait for your return . Kia Feichi oyy !

& i need Sayang to be with me NOW ! I mish hym truckloads . Eventhough i js met hym 2 daeys ago . But still , i js get seperated by from him .

Will be going out with classmate later . Photos will be tak taken an upload at tagged . And Saturday , will be going out with dearest Husband . Js cant wait .

Im so upset with Mama js now . I went food court to eat . I was busy entertaining this crazy guy . So irratating . then Sayang called me . i ran outside foodcourt , and talk . Cause i dont wanna let mama hear . Then , went i come back . Mama talking with hyer boyyf or whoever , then she realise my nails , i was using Red Nailpolish , and she say , " Kakak , Kuku kaw macam pompan Prostitute! " I was talking on the phone with Sayang i told hym to called back later . My tears was going down my checks . Seriously , how can a mum say like that ? And i was so shocked ! Ohmy , she can use that kinds of words . Exscive that im nothing to her . And she say she gave up with her children . I was crying and loads of words , thinking in my mind . She's the one who want us . She's the one who realy wanna take care of us . If she really gave up . I as well , find a new house in town with js one room flat . And stay by myself with all my effort ! Seriously shirt , im doing that . Finding a new home . Without mum around . And survive with my own hands and effort . A understanding mum , wont say such words to her own children . Giving reason , for us to chances was Bullshits ! I js hate being treated this way .

I was crying went i told Sayang . Sayang told me not to cry . And i seriously told him that i feel like running away from home . I tell out everything . And Sayang was asking me not to cry . Thank you Sayang for the comfort . I really appreciate much . I love you Sayang . And your my one and only . You understand me aload . And i seriously hope that we remain this way forever . With much love , from me to you ! And i'll meet you soon Sayang ! See you on Saturday . Pink ? okaeys ?

Im gonna thinking about a new flat . And im gonna survive alone . Went i reached 18 . I'll makesure that , i will have a new life . I prefered to be alone . then , being pampered with someone . Day by day , i realise that both Mum and Dad are the same . I wanna stay away from them . And having a new life for myself . Will be aiming , as soon as possible .

I got to go now . Need to rest for tomorrow . I dont wanna have eye bags any way .

Love,

Yayacintaa <3

Dear Diary,

I am so damn fcuking mad with this particular guy who from this particular group

" ehk jantan . akurh memang uhk bukan kaw peh baju uhk . Tapy akurh JIWER baju kaw . beh asal ? kaw nak buad mulot nan akurh ? kaw bbual depan-depan akurl larh sial . Kaw pikir akurh aperh ? Senang nak bbual blakang akurh ? Ehk kalo manchoy ader , akurh rase muker kaw darh pecah larh cia . Kaw tak puas hati nan akurh ? Personal larh nan akurh ! CCB ! ehk jantan , darh bagos akurh buad name baju kaw hawt pt woodlands . cikit peh tak ader terime kasih ! Kaw tak hormat kepale kaw perh ? Kaw nak kene potong ? Cial uhk , kaw leh senang kater uhk , pasal nonok kaw tak nak masok campor ! ehk , akurh tak heran uhk cia ! Tak ader konek pon akurh masih leh hidop larh cial ! CCB ! Akurh tak nak gadoh nan kaw uhk , tapy akurh rase kaw masuh YP uhk cia ! Baru 15 ? Nak fanatic ? Tyme lambat larh dohh ! I dont give a damn on you ! You will see the next meeting . Muker kaw akurh pecah kan !

I told Sayang baout it . And Sayang was also angry . But still he told me not to get involve .And tell me not to be with them anymore . It not that i dont want to follow your command but , i still love that group . I'll wait till my pateint is over . And i tell you , i;ll hate them how i hate the another group . I swear , i will . I have no regrets seriously . This is all bullshits .

I been enjoying my one week in school totally , im prefer staying at home than at school . Even though i skip loads of classes but , im happy now . I met Fahmin , my classmate just now , pass me smoke machine . And did ask hym what they are learning in school . Surprised to hear that they are having all straight Maths Lesson . Big no for me , i'll be js wasting my time only .

Sayang did remind me to bring my LG phone . So i will bring for him .

Im so damn stress . Update soon .

Dear Diary ,

I was so surprised that there's still another mean people at another group member . Seriously shit . I hate this type of people . Im not siding a any person who ever , but ths really embarrassed me aload . I shouldnt get involve , but im so damn dissappointed with their behaviour . How i wish i could , js shout at them infrount of their face , and telling them that there are jus being so selfish . Thinking about themselves !

Today was totaly sweets and laughter . The family bond with Sayang side was great ! Im been missing all my in laws . I meet Sayang and Brother in law at Amk Hub . Took 169 tuhwards Nee Soon Camp . Its not because we wanna go National Service . We are going to this tattoo shop , called David Tattoo ... Cant that remember . So on the way , in the bus . As usual , Sayang will see his Video , that i took . Its at youtube . Find under , " Warisan Sri Melati - Kecik Closing " . Brother in law busy hearing DSP Gamelan at my mp3 . Apon reaching , get that smoke machine on . And , went inside Uncle David Tattoo shop . I was amazed . I swear it was my first . So did see some design . Prefectly NICE !

There's this customers , a botak man . Erm , doing setan picture . Nice . Brother in law , wanted to complete hys left arm . which end up he manage to complete . He begans with 1/3 of it . And then Sayang finish up hys Tattoo , making the whole hand fully with tattoo . Then , Brother in law continue doing full arm . I js cant bare to see their faces , cause it totally pain ! i wonder how they can stand it . Uncle David did recommand me to do . Sayang was saying , " akurh tak bagy kaw buat . Lempang kanng ! " Funny . I kept quite all the way . While waiting for Brother in law , Sayang and Me went survey backdoor . Laugh , laugh , then i went back to see how's Brother in law while Sayang still surveying the back door . Smile at Brother in law , Sayang come inside and Smile at him . Brother in law was confused . But inside hys ming something going on . Laugh . Laugh . I know you , You know Public Dont know !

After all , snap snap to busstop , smoke machine . And went back Amk . Took train , to Lavender . I was so tired and hungry , but still manage . Sayang was so damn sweet ! There was a seat in the train , i was in between Brother in law and Sayang . Sayang from the back , shouting , " B , dudok ! " I was shocked but still , husband command have to follow . So , i did . Brother in law and Sayang sit seperates ways . Sayang was busy playing hys handphone game and hearing my MP3 while Brother in law sleep . I was busy looking for people , and concentrating on Sayang . Kushuuk playing game .

Reached Lavender . Smoke Machine again . I told Sayang i wont be sitting at hys house cause of my attire . I was wearing short hot pant and Cotton on Long top . So , i wouldnt want my in laws to think bad about hym . So i sat outside at his house and i was busy Looking at , Sayang cousins playing football . Sweets . And i like Baby ! Cute banget ! Smoke machine . And waited for Sayang to pack and finish eating . As he going Part tyme work , At Caltex Car wash at Golden Mile . And the next day , he will be going Camp . I did scold him onces . Cause , he was sick having 2 jobs in one day . Told him to quit . But , still he continues . I have nothing to stop him . If his finding money for hys own life .

Took cab , home but before that send Brother in Law and Sayang to work . And im off home . And now im blogging . early in the morning .

Brother in law did ask me : ~

Abang : Bagos ehk yaya . Pompan abang tak macam giturh ..

Conversation goes . So , i have no rejection if Sayang wanna do this or wanna do that . But befire he want to do something he should tell me first or earlier . So that i know . and not worried about hym . So hopefully he wont do his mistake again . Sayang , day by day , your my one and only !

Love ,

YayaCintaa <3